now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
