FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
