Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
