Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
PANTIES FOUND
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