We're facebook friends in real life
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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