carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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