i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
