i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
