2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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