I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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