ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
