so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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