I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
