1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
