I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
