He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
