By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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