I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
