WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
