i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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