Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
