dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
