There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
