if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize