Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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