Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
