Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
