Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
