It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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