I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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