I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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