dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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