yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
