In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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