I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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