i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
