oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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