we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
