Small penises have feelings too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
