Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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