I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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