good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
