DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
