i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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