"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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