Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
