I hate all girls vehemently.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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