everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
