She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
