i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
