just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
