I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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