so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize