wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
