You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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