Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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