morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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