We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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