Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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