the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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