I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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