It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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