i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
