i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
