can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
there is glitter all over my balls
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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