Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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