MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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