I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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