nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
