I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I could make wine with my vomit
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
