There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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