thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
