But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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