Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
