I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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