Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
