you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
