Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
